Gremlynn unplugged

Hello Gremlynn.   I know you're there. You're a quiet little bugger, but I know you're always lurking. You like to show up to the party when I'm having a good time and say "Gee, Lynn's a little too happy right now, maybe a little too confident, too productive, too thin, too in love....hmmmmm What can I do to turn her smile upside down?"  Well sorry pal. I'm on to you.

First, I should thank you for always being there for me. Well maybe not "always". When DID you show up anyway? Was I 5 or 6? I'm pretty sure I was younger than that because I remember being painfully shy at a very early age. And I'm convinced you had something to do with that. I realize your entire purpose in life is to protect me. And boy you have done a great job, I'll admit. Remember how you always told me to never raise my hand in class? Remember all those times you stopped me from getting too close to the "wrong" guy? Remember the innumerable times you stopped me from taking chances for fear of failure and disappointment? Or how about all those times you convinced me to keep drinking so I wouldn't feel the pain of my own self-doubts? I know your intentions are good, but your actions have kept me from living out loud. I've sacrificed self-expression for comfortable silence and accomplishment for mediocrity.

I didn't know you existed until the day I saw myself pushing away true love. I thought I was being sensible and doing the right thing. But it was YOU calling the shots. In your quest to keep me safe from vulnerability and heartbreak, you had me convinced that he wasn't right for me. We even told him he wasn't "the One".  Jeez.     It was then, for the first time, I saw you.

I know you are only doing what you think is best for me. Thank you, sincerely, for being the guardian of my heart, but I will take it from here. I know I can't exorcise you forever, so get in the back seat and sit still and keep your mouth shut.